I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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