so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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