What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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