doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
