At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
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just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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