nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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