You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
