You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
