That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
