Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
