I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
