I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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