worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
