Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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