I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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