sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
