Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
