Dude my mom stole all your condoms
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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