I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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