What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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