she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
