And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Watching her eat just hurts me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
