I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
