I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
