this will be a night to untag.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
