When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
