my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
