so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have post one night stand depression
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
