I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
