I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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