Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
