Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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