i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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