Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
