She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I pour the whiskey from now on
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
