My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
