My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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