Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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