i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
