Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
