I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
