Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
