Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We are two peas in an std pod
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
