Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
