By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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