You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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