just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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