Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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