dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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