No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
