Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
