If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
