We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
