this just has baby written all over it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
