i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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