one might say we're banned from that church
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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