Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
