I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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