she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
