Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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