somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
