thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
