Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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