i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
