if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
