Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
NoShamevember. You game?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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