Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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