You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
