Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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