one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
