I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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